Furious at Missouri

I am just extremely furious right now with the Bio Life plasma donation place. They refused me because my License says Chris D Ryan whereas my Social Security Card says Christopher Dolan Ryan. Since it is not matching they won't let me give. I never once had a problem with this in Arizona when getting a job. It might be because I am out of state, but otherwise it may just be a fluke. I know that they might think that I am giving false records, but I am not. Arizona Department of Transportation won't let me change the name on my card unless I am there in person, obviously I am not so I can't get it changed. I don't know how to get a job down here if this will be the case with all places. 

I am just so distressed with this because I was banking on this to satisfy my small need for money, while I am here for school. It really may just be a trust issue with God, but I don't know why this is working me up so much. I honestly feel like I could just punch through a wall. I don't believe I have ever had a desire to let out so much energy in a destructive manner such as that. 

 

Ozark - Sickness

It has been a full week that I have been sick. I really don't ever remember a cold that has taken this long to get over. I felt really hot too, in the morning. It gets warm here and there's really no way to cool down, because I don't think they will let you use the air conditioner unless it's summer.

I don't usually become happy that I am sick, but this time for only Godly reasons I have. I don't know how God totally intends to use this but I have already leaned on the students around me to help out. I found out my classmate Jessica Howell is a natural healing kind of person, so she hooked me up with Vitamin C capsules. There is really just some cool stuff that is happening as a result of this sickness. I am in lots of prayer because of it, because it is bogging me down, but every prayer is not a petition for God to make his timing speed up. On a lighter note:

Wow, it was amazing. I called Drew to see what he was up to and to see if he wanted to play some Left 4 Dead with me and he actually picked up the phone with a great attitude. Maybe it was the sermon he just listened to or maybe it was the environment he was around, but it was a momentous event. Normally all I get from him is a condescending "yes Chris?" like I have a task for him to complete. I will give him the benefit of a doubt, by saying that I normally do ask him to do something... and now that I even think about it, I was asking him to play games with me... but that's besides the point. So normally I have a nagging connotation to my calls for my brother Drew. For a slight glimpse today it changed.

Ozark - End of Preaching and Teaching Convention

I made some money today working over 7 hours at the Preaching and Teaching convention. Wahoo!

Weird things that I have found out:

Apparently it isn’t normal to have your skin turn red 10 seconds after it is scratched. The people in the dorm didn’t believe me till I showed them. They freaked out.

I like cookies a lot… maybe I am just in a cookie eating mood though.

Ozark - Loving People

One thing that I am struggling with is how to love others. I get in my shy mood, and am always over thinking how people might perceive me or worse yet just dismiss me. I am not entirely in touch with the Holy Spirit that resides in me. The moment I do, I will be even more amazing in God’s eyes. I try to downplay this by involving myself within the church, rather than focusing outward. I can do it in pairs, with getting to know someone outside of the church, but it’s not something that I do by myself naturally.

As an example I met this gentleman named Kyle; Chris Gutierrez and I pushed his dead battery car out of the In-N-Out drive thru one evening. I was the first to hear the car trying to start, and came up with the idea to help out whoever it was. I consider myself like the disciple Peter, who is the first to do something crazy, and also the first one to run and duck for cover. I have attained a way to just endure it all, but I can’t say that I gave it my all. I think a lot of this could even stem from my view of my self worth. I don’t think I’m worth anything sometimes, maybe more accurately, most times. So I drown myself around other people, to make me feel better. I am like the misbehaving kid that just wants attention. I certainly did that growing up, so maybe that’s all that I know. What have I come to?

Ozark - Valentines Day

So it has been a heck of a week. I took my first test in Principles of Interpretation and did alright on it for not studying too much; I got a C. I met some cool people, and did some amazing things.

The best thing that I did was go with Trevor to pick up his sister in Springfield Missouri. She was flying in for the weekend, and is going to hang out. So when we were driving back, Trevor wanted to stop by this playground he had driven by so many times. It has a 3 story slide, so we all get up there and slide down the one that isn’t straight. I go first and slide down. It had sharp right turn in it and it was completely dark out, so it slams me into the side and I just start laughing. Well I’m laughing the whole way down now, and slam into a puddle on the bottom of it. It was raining a few days prior and had built a little water there at the bottom; Traci said that it was like a speed slide and the water got pushed out by my butt. Well then I am smiling and laughing ridiculously hard, and turn around to watch Kevin slide right into it also. Then quickly after Kevin experiences the puddle and starts laughing, Trevor comes flying out. I was laughing because Traci was laughing at his historically. Side note: I am a huge social laugher; sometimes I just laugh because everybody else is, or I am laughing at someone else’s laugh. So Trevor and Kevin are asking me amidst the laughing why I didn’t warn them and I just continue to laugh. After the laughter died down... 15 seconds later... I explain that I couldn’t because I was laughing so hard. It we then run back to the freaking car because it was so cold out. Oh wow was it cold, and now we were soaked. What a glorious night it was!

This afternoon I watched a basketball game that really intrigued me to watch basketball more often. I really wanted to sit by someone who knew the game so I could constantly be asking questions to learn the game. Lacy came and sat next to me at the very end of the game so I could ask her questions, but I wish she were sitting by me the whole time. I had so many questions, and forgot many to ask her.

So it’s Valentine’s Day (or singles awareness day) and I am without anything to do tonight. Literally it’s me, Charlie and Greg on the floor; everyone else is gone. And I don’t even know where they are now. It’s probably like a campus wide game of Sardines and I’m the last one who hasn’t found them.

I would like to go tomorrow to Oronogo and check out their Children’s Ministry service.

Ozark - A Great Night!

So it has been a heck of a week. I took my first test in Principles of Interpretation and did alright on it for not studying too much; I got a C. I met some cool people, and did some amazing things.

The best thing that I did was go with Trevor to pick up his sister in Springfield Missouri. She was flying in for the weekend, and is going to hang out. So when we were driving back, Trevor wanted to stop by this playground he had driven by so many times. It has a 3 story slide, so we all get up there and slide down the one that isn’t straight. I go first and slide down. It had sharp right turn in it and it was completely dark out, so it slams me into the side and I just start laughing. Well I’m laughing the whole way down now, and slam into a puddle on the bottom of it. It was raining a few days prior and had built a little water there at the bottom; Traci said that it was like a speed slide and the water got pushed out by my butt. Well then I am smiling and laughing ridiculously hard, and turn around to watch Kevin slide right into it also. Then quickly after Kevin experiences the puddle and starts laughing, Trevor comes flying out. I was laughing because Traci was laughing at his historically. Side note: I am a huge social laugher; sometimes I just laugh because everybody else is, or I am laughing at someone else’s laugh. So Trevor and Kevin are asking me amidst the laughing why I didn’t warn them and I just continue to laugh. After the laughter died down... 15 seconds later... I explain that I couldn’t because I was laughing so hard. We then run back to the freaking car because it was so cold out. Oh wow was it cold, and now we were soaked. What a glorious night it was!

Ozark - Finding Myself

Part of this whole journey to Ozark is to find myself. I have already figured out a few things about myself so far. 

I can’t handle too much change so quickly. It’s like taking a land snake and tossing it into the water. It’s a total environmental change and has already posed as really tough for me. It’s not just because Joplin Missouri is someplace new, but it’s the fact that I have never had a roommate before, or lived on my own, out of my parent’s house. 

I also was raised in a household that stressed that you had to do everything yourselves. It was very much an individualistic upbringing. So when I am reading that there are people that are willing to help in every aspect of your life (mainly money) then I just have a hard time believing it. One of the reasons I find it so hard to just decide to go on a mission trip is because generally the person going has to raise they money themselves, by asking people to donate. What my mind is telling me is that, they WANT something in return and that I shouldn’t do it. It’s almost as if I don’t believe in the things I do myself, by helping people with computer/technology for free. I want nothing out of it more than just the Joy that God gives me for doing it. I mean it’s not like I don’t take what is offered, but in my mind I don’t expect such things. I know God is the one who blesses all, but I sometimes wonder where he is in my life. I love giving more than receiving, and when I do receive, I feel that it has to be perfect and genuine; otherwise I feel unsatisfied. I hope one day I conquer this in my life, if not, then know that I will be struggling with it until I do. 

On Friday, I got a Student Account Statement in my mailbox and apparently I have a balance of $3,715. I am not sure if my loan didn’t go through yet, but I am kinda worried. I just hope I can get it squared away before Feb 20^th so that I don’t get a service fee added on top of that.