One thing that I am struggling with is how to love others. I get in my shy mood, and am always over thinking how people might perceive me or worse yet just dismiss me. I am not entirely in touch with the Holy Spirit that resides in me. The moment I do, I will be even more amazing in God’s eyes. I try to downplay this by involving myself within the church, rather than focusing outward. I can do it in pairs, with getting to know someone outside of the church, but it’s not something that I do by myself naturally.
As an example I met this gentleman named Kyle; Chris Gutierrez and I pushed his dead battery car out of the In-N-Out drive thru one evening. I was the first to hear the car trying to start, and came up with the idea to help out whoever it was. I consider myself like the disciple Peter, who is the first to do something crazy, and also the first one to run and duck for cover. I have attained a way to just endure it all, but I can’t say that I gave it my all. I think a lot of this could even stem from my view of my self worth. I don’t think I’m worth anything sometimes, maybe more accurately, most times. So I drown myself around other people, to make me feel better. I am like the misbehaving kid that just wants attention. I certainly did that growing up, so maybe that’s all that I know. What have I come to?
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