Ozark - Finding Myself

Part of this whole journey to Ozark is to find myself. I have already figured out a few things about myself so far. 

I can’t handle too much change so quickly. It’s like taking a land snake and tossing it into the water. It’s a total environmental change and has already posed as really tough for me. It’s not just because Joplin Missouri is someplace new, but it’s the fact that I have never had a roommate before, or lived on my own, out of my parent’s house. 

I also was raised in a household that stressed that you had to do everything yourselves. It was very much an individualistic upbringing. So when I am reading that there are people that are willing to help in every aspect of your life (mainly money) then I just have a hard time believing it. One of the reasons I find it so hard to just decide to go on a mission trip is because generally the person going has to raise they money themselves, by asking people to donate. What my mind is telling me is that, they WANT something in return and that I shouldn’t do it. It’s almost as if I don’t believe in the things I do myself, by helping people with computer/technology for free. I want nothing out of it more than just the Joy that God gives me for doing it. I mean it’s not like I don’t take what is offered, but in my mind I don’t expect such things. I know God is the one who blesses all, but I sometimes wonder where he is in my life. I love giving more than receiving, and when I do receive, I feel that it has to be perfect and genuine; otherwise I feel unsatisfied. I hope one day I conquer this in my life, if not, then know that I will be struggling with it until I do. 

On Friday, I got a Student Account Statement in my mailbox and apparently I have a balance of $3,715. I am not sure if my loan didn’t go through yet, but I am kinda worried. I just hope I can get it squared away before Feb 20^th so that I don’t get a service fee added on top of that.